Get Your Sexy On: The Tour Ends Here

I enjoy provocative reality shows as much as the next fool. My heart sank during the season finale of 'Rock of Love 2.' Why did Bret pick the under-sexed Amber over Daisy, who only speaks in rock 'n' roll cliches?

Bret says it wasn't 'rock of like,' but 'rock of love.' I get it. He was in it to win it with a sane chick who wasn't a stripper. People are already taking bets on how long it will last. Silly, rabbits! Bret can deceive us with his hairline week to week, but he won't be deceived by ill-intentioned women any longer! This is the real deal. Here's to looking outside of the box and finding love by any means necessary!

Also, here's a fun picture of some fierce hair I (and I'm sure Bret) would love to rock.

Coachella, why you do me that way?

Jack. Johnson. Headliner?
Over it. Thank god they added Princey. I hope he wear his purple onesie!

Maybe I'm spoiled from last year's incredible lineup of Bjork, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE(!).

True, this gives me an excuse to save money and invest my airfare and ticket fee to the wedding I'm part of in July. That's not the point. Who is Jack Johnson and why in god's name is he headlining every major summer tour this year from Coachella to Bannaroo? Who are his people?

Even Lollapalooza managed to pull a better lineup this year than Coachella. True, all of the non-headlining bands are just amazing as previous years. Fatboy Slim, Mark Ronson, Hot Chip, Vampire Weekend, M.I.A., and Animal Collective are not chump change by any means. Alls I'm sayin' is if they hadn't added Prince last minute, this year's lineup would have been a sham! A sham!

C.O.B.D.O.A.

The Magazine I worked for went out of business. It's the second publication in the past year that I have worked for that has stopped its printers. No one is buying print ads anymore. Sad. Who knew I would graduate college a dinosaur. I think it's safe to say I've spent more time unemployed than I have working since I've graduated college.

I can go into the myriad of reasons the publication didn't make it: the selfish greed of its founders, the lack of marketplace interest, targeting the wrong clients.

After we'd removed the cancerous employees who were hurting our mission and morale, it seemed like we spent hour after hour on damage control and assuaging the few loyal clients we had left. The work wasn't arduous when I, for once, felt comfortable with my supervisors and support. We seemed to really become cohesive as a team. Though we knew we were struggling, we remained optimistic. The damage had been done.

Now I'm competing with people who have been laid off at Yahoo for our spot on the dole. Awesome.

I'm thinking about what to do next, certainly. My primary concern is figuring out where to go. Costa Rica? I've never been to Central America. I doubt Costa Rica should be my first choice. I should really take this time to discover where my parents are from, Honduras. Maybe I'll try Mexico City or Arizona or Texas. I want to go some place I've never been. Create a new adventure worthy of my unexpected time off.

Sociopaths in the Workplace Part 3

Where was I in my Sociopaths in the Workplace entries? Ah, yes. I was up to the part where CP shamelessly decided to use cancer as an excuse for not bringing in her portion of the sales for our fall issue.

Two months post her leave and it's pretty safe to say that hoe didn't have cancer. Really, who does that? Who cops out on a serious disease to get back at her coworkers? Lame.

If you can't hack it at work, get fired or quit with some sense of integrity. We've all had challenges we couldn't meet. It's a part of life.

On the flip side, Mr. Queen had a stone of his own to throw. In the middle of a sales cycle, he decided to up and take a new gig leaving us to fend for ourselves in the wintery, barren world of print ad sales.

Once a Bridesmaid

I'm a bridesmaid in my best pal from high school's wedding. I bet you're thinking I'm going to start complaining about the perils of living under a bridezilla's grasp. On the contrary, this soire is the only thing besides Coachella that I'm looking forward to in 2008.

I went in for my first bridesmaid dress fitting while I was in NYC for Thanksgiving. I was so excited to try on dresses and ponder the idea of getting dolled up to support a special celebration.

N, the happy bride, and I had so much fun in high school picking out prom dresses and getting ready for that occasion in our lives. Oddly enough for me, the color of the bridesmaid dress is much like the color of my prom dress except it's a different fabric. N sorted it out with the company so the 6 bridesmaids could choose from 5 dress styles that would suit us best. I went for the 'Lucy' style which is a straightfoward A-line strapless cut. It's forgiving of my ginormous hips which I pray will help me in childbirth.

In any case, I'm ready for the next round of fitting or what have you. Check out the dress: this isn't the color, but it's the cut. Holler at cha gurl!

Sociopaths in the Workplace Part 2

With a week to close, CP had suddenly fallen ill. I should have spotted this a mile away as the classic 'stay home from school because I forget to study for a big test' routine. At the office, I tried to follow up on all the clients she claimed she'd gotten signed contracts for our magazine program to coordinate ad artwork production.

Time and again during the week, I'd call voicemails without getting any response from clients she said knew I was calling to collect artwork and would have the materials ready. Four days to close, and she threw me under the bus. She told the magazine's Associate Publisher, who happens to be a Diva himself, that she'd given me her contracts. She communicated via cell phone as she was 'too sick' to come to the office. Since she popped in sporadically during the week post sales calls (her territory was the East Bay), it was a possibility that she'd left contracts on my desk.

Unfortunately for her, I was extremely conscious of every paper coming through my desk because I hadn't seen a contract that would increase our ad sales in the past three weeks! A contract would have been like getting Wonka's golden ticket. I would not have lost it. Not that this saved me from the rather of Mr. Queen who thought I'd somehow thrown them out or lost them.

On the Friday before a close on Wednesday, she comes in on a rainy day lugging her sales suitcase and wearing her red patent leather high heeled rain shoes. I try not to shoot her dirty looks as she's aready thrown me under and had my boss question my organization. Instead I get over my fustrations and, I ask her about the contracts and somehow the conversation turns to my love life---again, she managed to avoid the subject. Annoyed that yet again no one is paying attention to the necessary, I get back to making sure all the advertisers listed for our issue have the corresponding paperwork and artwork ready to go to the printer. Meanwhile, Mr. Queen the Associate Publisher took CP out to lunch as she was leaving for the day. She was 'sick' after all and had only come in for an hour to check in.

When Mr.Queen came back, he had a bombshell in his hand. CP had given him her resignation---not because she couldn't hack her sales which were supposed to total $65K, but because she was apparently so sick she had to get surgery the following Tuesday to have a biopsy on tumors that were on her lungs.


excerpts from "What Is A Sociopath?" on www.wisegeek.com:

The main characteristic of a sociopath is a disregard for the rights of others. Sociopaths are also unable to conform to what society defines as a normal personality. Antisocial tendencies are a big part of the sociopath’s personality. This pattern usually comes into evidence around the age of 15. If it is not treated, it can develop into adulthood.

Visible symptoms include physical aggression and the inability to hold down a steady job.

Research has shown that the sociopath is usually a person with an abundance of charm and wit.

Why You Gotta Do Me Like That Apple?

This one is going to be short. I've had my third ipod die on me this weekend.

I can hardly throw out the trash without having on my headphones. When I leave my apartment in the morning and the sun is shining, do you know what I'm listening to as I bop down the street? "Come Into My World" by Kyle Minogue.

I absolutely attribute this habit to my city upbringing. It's the best way to keep out the crazies I encounter on my commute to and from my daily travels. I don't have a car. Now I'll get to listen to the drunken hobos' sexual advances or the hipster couple deciding whose going to buy the next round of weed. Thanks, Apple.

What am I going to do at the gym? How am I gonna get my arse in gear with out my 'Dance' playlist? Have I gotten too spoiled? Am I not supposed to expect my media products to last longer than a year or is it just me? Am I kiss of death for every ipod I've ever had? Do I have to succumb to the crappy policy of buying insurance for something that's inevitably going to break? Am I asking too many unanswerable questions? Makes me yearn for the bygones days of portable CD players when the only malfunction concern was a scratched CD.

I know I'm not the first to write on this subject and I'm surely not the first to be burned at the sight of a 'sad mac' face staring back at me from that little white drug that held so much promise.

Also, I'm incredibly stubborn and don't want to have to buy another ipod just for it to get outdated in two weeks. Isn't insanity repeating the same method while expecting different results?