Passport Photo

Someone's confused my passport photo order.

Someone gave me the wrong pictures back! Who's that fat fuck with the unruly hair and jowels?

Oh, wait. What? That IS...me?

Ay Chihuahuas.

Remember that time I said I could stand to lose like 5 lbs or so? Make that 30.

Mama mia, this baby beluga bit is not becoming of me. Everyone warned me about living with a boy and following their habits. I've fallen prey! I've fallen prey!

No, but really, I have to give up my bad habits. This morning my boss caught me with a hot chocolate and a half a cupcake. He asked what my mother would say if she saw me eating such an unbalanced meal.

I'm not sure, really. I don't think she knows that I eat utter crap if left to my own devices.

So I'm back on my 'no solids' diet. Let's see how long this one lasts.

Get Your Sexy On: The Tour Ends Here

I enjoy provocative reality shows as much as the next fool. My heart sank during the season finale of 'Rock of Love 2.' Why did Bret pick the under-sexed Amber over Daisy, who only speaks in rock 'n' roll cliches?

Bret says it wasn't 'rock of like,' but 'rock of love.' I get it. He was in it to win it with a sane chick who wasn't a stripper. People are already taking bets on how long it will last. Silly, rabbits! Bret can deceive us with his hairline week to week, but he won't be deceived by ill-intentioned women any longer! This is the real deal. Here's to looking outside of the box and finding love by any means necessary!

Also, here's a fun picture of some fierce hair I (and I'm sure Bret) would love to rock.