Hell is Cold

You'd thinking having gone to university in Syracuse would accustom me to the bitter cold and snow.

Maybe it has something to do with the human preservation tactic of forgetting the things that bring you down in life.

How could I forget how long it takes to add all those layers on in the morning? Or that I can't walk out with wet hair when the wind makes the air outside feel like 16 degrees. Today, I went to tug the ear flaps on my hat only to be poked with a piece of my own frozen hair. Gross.

So here's a slap of the wrist to Ol' Man Winter. Bugger Off! Go find some other American region to harass.

New York Still Isn't Impressing Me with its Hospitality

It sucks when your boyfriend gets clocked on the head with a glass bottle. Reminds me of that time the British press released a tape of Liam and Noel Gallagher arguing during an interview. Noel tells Liam, "It's football hooliganism and I won't stand for it."

I don't feel like going into detail, but no, I wasn't there at the time. No, he doesn't know who did it. Yes, we're fuming mad. Yes, we went to the emergency room. Biggups to Benjamin Killian at Beth Israel! No, it's no fun seeing your boyfriend covered in blood. Yes, those are 9 staples in his head. Yes, he had to shave his head. Biggups to Frank for attending to him; I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. Honorable mention: Brother Bear for providing medical counseling via phone.

Still hatin' on New York.

Back to nursing the injured...excuse me.

HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE. HATE.

LOOKING AT PLACES TO LIVE IN NEW YORK.

Every place seems like a rape den. If you're not rich, what the fuck is the point of living New York?

Someone remind me.

Finding an Apartment in New York

Is like trying to find a clean syringe in Coney Island beach. Nearly impossible.

Last week a neurotic Hasidic Jew tried to sell me on a $1900 hallway. It really was a lovely hardwood floor hallway, I will say that. It did have ample lighting, but a communal shower and kitchen. No, thanks. He seemed to get mad I wasn't jumping all over him to sign the lease. Not that I could jump all over him if I wanted to. He can't touch women, let alone a seedy gentile such as myself.

Just today I saw another 800 square foot 'loft' style apartment with no tub. Is it too much to ask to get a tub in your freakin' apartment? I have a bum knee and need my afternoon water aquatics.

Also, half these brokers don't understand the concept of a loft, but I guess that's how they trick hopeful would-be renters into viewing spaces. Just because a place doesn't have partitioned rooms doesn't mean it's a loft. Just because it has more than one window doesn't mean it's a loft. Also, when the floors are actually wood board covered in polyurethane, they shouldn't be listed as hardwood. Just some basic ethics and good natured selling.

For example, here is a lovely image taken from a listing on Craiglist.org for a new condo in the fabulously gentrified 'Willy B':I mean, I just can't believe those girls come with the condo...