Thursday, August 7, 2008

Finding an Apartment in New York

Is like trying to find a clean syringe in Coney Island beach. Nearly impossible.

Last week a neurotic Hasidic Jew tried to sell me on a $1900 hallway. It really was a lovely hardwood floor hallway, I will say that. It did have ample lighting, but a communal shower and kitchen. No, thanks. He seemed to get mad I wasn't jumping all over him to sign the lease. Not that I could jump all over him if I wanted to. He can't touch women, let alone a seedy gentile such as myself.

Just today I saw another 800 square foot 'loft' style apartment with no tub. Is it too much to ask to get a tub in your freakin' apartment? I have a bum knee and need my afternoon water aquatics.

Also, half these brokers don't understand the concept of a loft, but I guess that's how they trick hopeful would-be renters into viewing spaces. Just because a place doesn't have partitioned rooms doesn't mean it's a loft. Just because it has more than one window doesn't mean it's a loft. Also, when the floors are actually wood board covered in polyurethane, they shouldn't be listed as hardwood. Just some basic ethics and good natured selling.

For example, here is a lovely image taken from a listing on for a new condo in the fabulously gentrified 'Willy B':I mean, I just can't believe those girls come with the condo...

1 comment:

meladoriem said...

omg. i think i just died. hysteria!!! you don't need an apt. just come live with me. ;)